My History

I remember when my mam first got her wheelchair. It wasnt the norm to see friends parents with wheelchairs. It wasnt that my mam had a disability. Or that is what I thought at the time. She was waiting for a transplant. At first it was a heart and lung, but when it came to her having it, she was given a double lung. I must state that my mam was a smoker. She had gave up when her health began to deteriate but by then it was quite in a poorly state. My mam couldnt walk to the gate from our front door without becoming breathless.

One false alarm and then she was in having the transplant that we thought would make the difference. Alot of pressure was put on our family and I think that is when the signs of my sisters epilepsy began. She was doing alot of running around and if I was her, I would have felt a great responsibility. Emma had shown signs of fainting and when staying overnight with our mam she had a seizure which I think began the diagnosis of epilepsy. Previously beforehand she had been taken in to hospital and I remember a cousin coming to school for me. Head of departments had came into class for other people before but never for myself. That time it had been for me. I thought the worst. I thought something had happened to my mam. It wasnt. It was my sister who was in hospital and she was ok and being monitored. I felt a relief. As an adult now I can think I should have been worried about everyone equally but at that time for some reason I thought it was bad news about my mam and I was pleased it wastnt.
There was one girl at school who used to always make a point of asking after my mam. I never realised she was kind of in the same situation.

We got a second call for our mam to go for her transplant. After the transplant, myself and my brother were eventually allowed to visit our mother. At first it was just our dad and my sister for health and hygiene reasons. Nothing prepares you for the Intensive Care Unit. You go in wash your hands and there was our mother lying in a bed with tubes everywhere. It was heartbreaking and when I cried I remember a nurse crying. That possibly gives me a bit of hope in the NHS system.

My mam eventually went in a ward and was givin exercises to work on. We saw her and she wrote us letters telling myself to do well on my duke of edingburgh that I was doing at school and I cant remember what she said to my brother and sister. We then got told to expect our mam home for christmas, she had been away since July, this was good news.

My dad came home and said that he had been told our mam wont last the night, this was October. I cant remember the exact words but it is more caring than blunt how our dad told us. Im not sure how I slept but my dad came into my room roughly at 8am and told me my mam passed away at 00.03 that morning. I didnt know what to feel. My friend knocked on my door at 8.30 for school as that is how unexpected it was for my mam to pass. I tell her the news and I hug her. We have been friends for a long long time. That is my first main tragedy of life!